What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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