3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
