So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
