even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
