Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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