Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
