Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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