It's Friday. Sex?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
