this boner is exhausting
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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