I faked an abortion last night.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
