i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
