Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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