You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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