i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
