WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
