I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
