We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
