I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
