hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
