Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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