He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
