I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
