My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
