If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
