Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
