what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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