he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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