I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
