After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
