Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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