I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
