I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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