New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
