Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
