dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
