The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
