True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
