True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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