I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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