90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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