so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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