I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
