Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I deserve this hangover.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
