Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
