Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
