I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
