I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
