if you like me you must not know who I am
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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