I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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