Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
